My new blog is:
http://ericsskull.blogspot.com
I just like eblogger more than mindsay... Please visit!
college2am... Homework not done... spent the past 4 hours playing NCAA football for xbox with my roomate... this is my life... this is college.
A lot has been going on in my life lately. I guess I haven't published in over a month, but I guess it's because I haven't really felt inspired to write anything. Heh... I'm a geek. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about life in general the past couple of weeks. From my life, my friends' lives, people I don't know's lives. Do you ever sit and think about how everyone else is just like you. And what I mean by that is, everyone else has a life that you have, except it's their own. I know that probably doesn't make sense. But okay, sometimes I'll sit and think... hmmm, my roomate has had a life and he knows everything about and it's totally different than mine, but it's his, and each person I know is like that. There are 8 billion people in this world, and each one of them sleeps at night, has feelings, has their own relationships, has everything. It's a little overwhelming when you think about it for the first time.
Another thing I've been thinking about is that life is really what you make of it. I look back on high school sometimes with regret, because I always think there is more that I could've done, but I didn't even think about it at the time. Isn't that what we usually do? When we are caught up in the middle of something, we tend to lose the value of it until it's over. It's still bizarre to me that I won't ever be a high school student again. High schoolers now will always be younger than me. And now before I know it, I'll be graduated from college and the same thing will happen. I guess I feel like I haven't lived enough. I really want to grasp all that life has to offer. I want to surround myself with people who feel the same way too.
So back to my school issue. I've been dealing a lot with ORU's frustrations as of late. It's not the school itself I'm frustrated with, it's the program. They have what is called a Drama/Television/Film program which basically is like a double major in drama and media. However, I want to perform in the theater, maybe even musical theater, and ORU doesn't offer any dance. None. So... yeah... regardless of how much I like this school... I can't stay. I can't. And that's sad... because as annoying this place is, there is something in my heart that loves it, and I can't really put my finger on it or explain it to anyone, no matter how hard I try. Even after I transfer, I know I'll miss it. I know I will... that's why this is so difficult.
Well I need to stop philosophizing about my life and get to bed.
"Our wits is what makes us men."
-Braveheart
Eric
Well... I'm not transferring. My spirit was going crazy the past couple weeks and I knew if I had decided to leave, I would've been a mess. I'm going to give it more time to see exactly what I need to do.
My buddy got married today. It was great. One thing in this life that is very unique is when you are in the presence of true, unconditional love. I've had the priveledge to experience this twice this past semester, once with my brother, and then today. I've been to a lot of weddings, and you can definately tell differences from couple to couple. Today, when I saw my bud look his bride in the eye and sing to her, and I saw her look back... It was amazing. So pure, so true, so honest. I can't wait to find that.
Another bonus on the day was I was a groomsman, and the tuxedos were pretty fly.
I leave tomorrow for home at about 7:30AM and thats about 3 and a half hours from now. Luckily, I don't have to drive... because If I did... I would probably die. I'm excited to come home for break and see friends again. It'll be nice to be home and be able to relax, however I know in the back of my mind I have a crazy semester next semester... especially if I decide to do the musical... I will have virtually, no time.
I found a really cool quote today, so I'll leave you with this:
"It's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done."
Eric
How cool would it be to be British? Or to live in London? I would love to have a British accent.
I've been listening to The Smiths a lot lately, maybe that could explain my new found British love. Hmm. I do want to live there though someday, maybe for a couple years. It would be a fantastic place to learn more about Theater.
Why do I have so many insecurities in my life? Every night, I struggle with insecurities that cause me not to sleep. From wondering about my clothes, my friends, girls, my major, life, everything. I don't know why, but I spend so much time in my life doubting. It's interesting how I can appear so confident to so many people, and yet feel like such a little boy on the inside.
People don't think I'm a freshman here. I love that. "You're a freshman? Holy crap. No way!"
For some reason, that makes me feel really cool.
I saw the movie Accepted the other day. It was pretty damn funny, however there was a great underlying message in it. If you've seen it, maybe you can understand what I'm saying, but it questions a lot of our education system in the world. How it causes kids to turn into these crazy, wound up so tight they are going to explode, people who are so stressed out they can't function. I'm starting to see that with finals coming up, and I'm experiencing it. Why do I have to take a damn class over light spectrums and optics. How the hell is that going to help me pursue theater? I understand the idea of being well educated all around, but that raises the question, what exactly is education? Is education numbers, facts, or dates? Or is education looking on the inside of you and discovering whatever you can about yourself, or experiencing life and culture? I've learned so much this semester, and hardly any of it has been in the classroom. The thing that I've taken most from this semester is the actual college life experience. Actually living with people, in a community, versus being alone. It's amazing what you can learn about yourself by learning about other people.
I wish ORU's Theater program didn't suck balls. And I wish they didn't have some of the rules they have here, because I have met a lot of really cool people. If I could go to college because of the people, I would attend ORU... but, it's not that simple. I do need to get a quality education, and ORU just can't offer what I need. I'm going to miss being surrounded by Christians. And it's not like we are all the same either, like I thought it would be. ORU is very diverse because there are so many different people here from different backgrounds, but we are all brought together by one thing: the way we believe. I don't care if you believe in God or not, it's pretty cool to be surrounded by so many different people that you never would have known, and know that they believe the same way you do. Plus, there's some cool girls here too ;)
The Cowboys are playing really well, and I'm really excited about that. Tony Romo rocks.
Here's my thought for the day: Try something you have never tried before tomorrow, whether it be a cup of coffee, type of food, or word to say. Do that on a daily basis, and it will change your life. This is life, are you changing?
Eric
Well, I did it. I broke down and got a blog. I used to have a blog, about a year or so ago... but I don't know, one day I just went up and deleted it. It was pretty interesting. I had really wrote (written, whatever, I don't know) a lot in that blog and I just deleted it. I think I was sick of people reading my thoughts, but yet I did absolutely nothing to protect my blog from people to read. We're bizarre humans like that. I heard a quote once from John Mayer, it went something like "Sometimes, you tell a person to never call you again and you hang up, but then the phone rings and you hope it's them and its the most twisted logic of all time." I think we all do that in our heads, well at least I do. Maybe I'm either that jaded, or crazy... or just normal and admitting it. It's probably just the little boy inside of me who wants all the attention in the world but shys away once he gets it... who knows.
So I'm transferring to Iowa State in a few weeks. Woohoo. I'm pretty excited. My time here has been pretty good, and I'm thankful that God blessed me with it, but I definately am ready to not be a student at Oral Roberts University anymore. I've grown a lot, and learned a lot, this semester but I know where God is taking me. It's really been an experience.
I don't really know though. Maybe everyone does this, but since I've come to college, actually mostly just in the past month or so, I've become an insomniac. I don't really know why, or how... but I have. And it's not a fact of people staying up around me, I just honestly don't get tired. I'll look at the clock sometimes and be like, holy crap... it's 3:13am (which it is right now) and I can't believe it. I'm a kid who loves sleep with a passion. I thrive on sleep. I live to sleep. But now I don't want to.
It snowed here today, a lot. I think it's still snowing. Why the crap is it snowing so much in Tulsa, Oklahoma? It's not even snowing back home in Iowa... but nope, here in Oklahoma we're getting like 6-10 inches. They canceled classes for tomorrow so I'm pretty psyched up about that. I'm going to do nothing all day and it's going to be so sweet.
I don't know, I feel like I've faced a lot of insecurities in my first semester of college. It's weird, because for so long I've been so afraid of being alone, without relationships, that it's caused me to lose relationships that I want because I try so hard not to lose them. It's such a vicious cycle. But over the past month, I've really sat down and began to understand that I am my own person, and I don't need relationships in my life that I cling to. I need relationships, there's no doubt about that, and I'm so thankful and blessed for the ones that I have, but I've become to understand that the only person I need to rely on is myself, and God. Understanding and allowing God to love you is the best thing you can ever do. If you haven't read it, I suggest you go buy the book Blue Like Jazz. heh... look at me, it's like I'm talking to the audience... when really, no one will read this.
I also wanted to get this blog because I haven't expressed myself a lot this semetser. Back home, I would write, or I would play music. Here... I just don't. I don't really know why, I just don't. Maybe that's what's caused so much turmoil on the inside is because my thoughts are all bottled up rather then just spitting them out whether it's through a song or a piece of notebook paper. I've learned that it helps to write things out because as you write your thoughts, you put them in order, and you figure things out. I can't just let myself bottle up, and that's what I've done. Hmmm... interesting. It's amazing what you learn about yourself when you write, even if it's just a blog or diary entry.
Ah well, I'll leave all of you non-existent readers this thought:
This is life, are you living?
Eric
